WHY ARGUE (concluding part)

Hello Friends, hope your week is going on well?

Last week we discussed a topic on "why argue"... Here is the concluding part. Happy reading.....

6. Choose your words wisely. Arguments escalate with the choice of words and the way we say it. 

7. Be specific and clear with issues without insulting each other.
Understand their viewpoints by listening and giving each other the opportunity to speak so that you can understand where they are coming from.
 
8. Be willing to admit faults where deem fit. Always own up your mistakes and be ready to make amendment.

9. Find a resolution you both will be happy with. Accept each other’s viewpoint, talk about how to resolve issues through a compromise and always respect their way.

In conclusion, the Bible says in 2 Timothy 2: 24 " A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people". (NLT) 

And also Proverbs 15:1 says: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger". (NIV)

Argument saps you of your energy and does not yield any positive result. The next time you are faced with a controversial situations that could lead to arguments just ask yourself WHY ARGUE?  

Shalom!

GOD OUR FATHER

God is your Father
His Role is to Protect You
He will Comfort and Guide you
He will feed you when you are hungry
He will carry you when you are weak
He will find you when you go astray
He will help you in times of trouble
When you fall, He will pick you up
When you are ignorant, He understands
When you feel like life is weighing you down, He will lift you up
When you feel like giving up, He will encourage you to keep going on
When you are sad, He will be your Joy
When you feel unsafe, He will be your safety
When you need advice, His lines  and ears are always open 
When you are hopeless, He will give you Hope
When you feel burnt, He will make you beautiful
Where you hurt, He will heal
When you are lonely, He is always with you to comfort you
Where you lack support, He will support you
When you feel discouraged, He will be your encoragement
When you give Him your All, He will be your All

As we go into the new month, make God your Father and your All in All,  and He will be all of the above to you.

I wish you a fruithful and fulfilling month ahead.

WHY ARGUE? Part 1

Relationships have their ups and downs and arguments are bound to ensue. Learning to keep your emotions in check and remaining calm can turn a heated squabble into a civil disagreement where the two will reach a compromise. You can apologize but you cannot take back something you said during an argument. You will agree with me that every man craves for a feeling of importance and everyone wants their opinion heard regardless of what other people say.

Now the question is why do we argue or why do we feel the need to argue?

When people yell, slam the door, walk out on each other, feel attacked or devalued, they react and most times, it’s hard to recall why they went into an argument. It could be something so trivial, a certain body posture or a tone of voice. And in a split of second they pick up on a message and simply raise the roof or react. Unfortunately, your own response to the threat you perceive coming from your partner, drives him or her crazy.  Whether you say something hurtful or flee the battlefield, whether you leave your partner, feeling abandoned argument is bound to ensue with that attitude.

It takes a lot of time, practice and more often than not professional guidance to teach your brain new ways of responding.

I have put together 9 best ways to avoid arguments:

1. Share what bothers you with your partner effectively

2. Get to know him/her better in the light of their history, so you can change the vicious cycle of your interactions together.

3. Your natural reactions as immediately wanting you to fix a problem, withdrawing or becoming emotionally reactive can be unlearned.

"If you’re arguing with someone for more than 5minutes chances are it’s not about them but about you".

4. Recognize when a discussion is no longer a discussion but is escalating to an argument. You may have to walk away for a few minutes and take several deep breaths to calm yourself down. Avoid raising voices and feeling defensive. A good mutual discussion involves both sides listening and attempting to understand each other.

5. Keep the conversation focused on resolving the conflict. Avoid personal attacks and not hurting each other further with insults. Do not bring up stuffs from the past because you may never resolve the boiling issue at hand.

TO BE CONT'D

Stay Strong!!!

Considering human nature, the tendency for us to lose touch, lose focus, get discouraged and allow frustrations to set in when things are not working the way we expected is inborn. There is no success story without a trial and you cannot get things to work perfectly as presumed without facing challenges. It is almost impossible to see a being that doesn’t desire good things of life like money, marriage, living a successful  and a  fulfilled life.

Inevitably, all these do not come easily without sacrifices such as hardwork, commitment, dedication and many more which are very crucial to getting a good life. Many have achieved these by grace, with little or no challenges while others have toiled for years with nothing to show for it which may invariably lead to frustrations.

I just put my thoughts together in three bullet points to help you stay stronger and move forward in the face of trials.

1. Never accept blindly what the society, fate, parents, siblings or peergroups dictate or throw at you. Remember you are responsible for your own destiny, your destiny is in your hands, decide on how you want to channel your life not neglecting the God factor.

2. Be conscious of your thoughts. Many attimes, most of our daily thoughts are not our own. They do not contribute to our daily needs neither do they define us. We allow ourselves to be infiltrated by Fear i.e.(False Evidence Appearing Real) and anxiety. Many of the things we dwell upon never come to be. Create the kind of world you desire from your thoughts. You become what you think.

3. Acknowledge the fact that you are a symbol of dominion and authority by tapping into your divine nature. My Christian belief helps me to understand that I have dominion over everything as far as it concerns the earth. You have an innate power, maximize it! Challenges are not permanent, they are meant to make you stronger.

Conclusively, an old saying says that when things seem to be at its hardest, it is close to its end but it appears that not everyone believe it. But if I must tell you, there is always a shinning bright light at the end of the tunnel. Stay Strong! Stay Positive and the sky will be your starting point. Shalom!

Compliments!!

Hi Friends! It’s so good to be here again after such a long break. Let me start by wishing you the best this year has to offer! 

I’m indebted to God for sparing all our lives to witness the start of another year. I pray all your wishes for the year come true. 

It's been more than a year since I last posted on my blog and I sincerely apologize to you all out there for sticking with me. The care and affection I received even while I was away was second to none.  I can't thank you enough for the emails, calls and texts. It meant so much to me and I was really encouraged and motivated. 

The events that unfolded in the previous year took its toll on me and almost threatened my vision for the blog but I’m grateful to God and you guys for not giving up on me. The events have passed, Glory to God and I am raring to go. This time with juicier information and nothing short of what I’ve always served you. The very best!

I appreciate you. Yes! You.. for identifying with my blog.  While I cannot enumerate the many benefits you stand to enjoy by following my blog, I promise to do my best to ensure you continually get the best as it concerns the scope of my blog.

I am Maria Odusanwo, the anchor of this blog. I am approachable and also opened to questions  and suggestions. Don't forget to always drop a comment on each post and please feel free to talk to me. Let’s get the journey to a better life started! Shallom

8 Tips To Improve Digestion

Hello Peeps! hope you're having a blast this weekend!
My last write up was on shaking the weight off! In order to achieve this your digestive system also has to be regulated and be in good shape.
Find below some tips on how to improve your digestion:

1.One thing at a time.
In our fast paced world, it’s easy to sit at the computer or television and have lunch, or worse, eat while driving. This confuses the nervous system, so it’s best to avoid multi-tasking during meals. Plus, distractions usually lead to overeating. It’s important to sit and acknowledge the food you eat.

2. Eat when you are hungry. 
If you are hungry, eat! If you are not hungry, your body isn't ready for food and you will strain your digestive system by loading the system with food. Hunger is a sign that there are enough digestive juices (acid) in the body to assimilate food. The body will hold this acid in the small intestine for approximately 30 minutes, after which it will be transferred to the colon and reabsorbed into the bloodstream. Overtime, this increases general acidity in the body.

3.Take time to digest. 
Avoid eating until the previous meal has been digested. Allow approximately three to five hours between meals. Snacking should be reserved for when you are very hungry between meals. Constant ‘mindless munching’ throughout the day overworks and weakens digestion. Fruits are the best as snacks because they digest quickly and easily.

4.Fresh and warm. 
Food is best eaten fresh and warm (or at room temperature). Leftovers have a tendency to cause gas, bloating and indigestion. Cold, frozen or iced foods and beverages should also be avoided as they also decrease the strength of our digestive fire and interfere with digestion.

5.Stay Hydrated
There’s almost nothing better for your digestive system and your overall health than water. Just like not eating enough fiber, drinking too little water slows down your digestive system.

6. Limit Fats
Beyond making us add extra pounds of flesh, fatty and fried foods are hard to digest, slow the process way down, and tax a system that would otherwise run well. Try choosing meats that are lower in fat such as chicken and go for lean meat. Switch from whole or reduced-fat dairy to low-fat or nonfat  and replace butter-margarine with olive oil.

7. Move It
Physical activity speeds up digestion, increases blood flow to all your organs, and stimulates muscles in the Gastrointestinal (GI) tract, helping your organs work more efficiently. It can even tone the walls of your colon! Aim for 30 minutes of exercise every day. Try walking, cycling, swimming, or climbing the stairs in your house.

8.Create a routine.
If you make a point of eating at the same time everyday, your body will adjust and thrive with the regularity. 
"If you adhere to all the above suggestions, you will in no time get to the desired weight and shape you have always dreamt of".

Have a fabulous weekend!

SHAKE THE WEIGHT OFF!

 Simple ways to maintain a healthy weight

Losing weight is one thing but keeping it off is another issue entirely. To help make sure all your hard work pays – and stays – off, I've put together some simple but effective strategies for keeping your body in the shape you worked so long to achieve. 

1. Motivation is a key to maintaining a healthy weight. Remind yourself of your motivation daily.

2. Set a maximum weight for yourself: a weight which you will not let yourself go above. Then weigh yourself weekly or monthly. If you are nearing your maximum weight, increase your focus on portion sizes, food choices, exercise and attitude.

3. Don't deprive yourself
Not eating enough calories in a day is a one-way ticket to overeating later in the week. You may have been on a strict diet that limited the amount of calories you consumed, but it will be next to impossible to maintain that level of commitment once you've reached your goal weight. Never let yourself get to the point where you feel like you're starving – once you're that hungry, every healthy eating tip and strategy you've ever read or heard will go straight out the window as you settle for any available heaps to gulp down.

4. Treat yourself in small doses
If you love chocolate, sweets or ice cream but you've sworn it off for good, at some point that self-imposed ice cream-chocolate embargo is going to cause a lot of problems. The longer you go without allowing yourself a treat, the greater the risk of breaking down at some point and eating three pints of the cold stuff. Everything is OK in moderation. The point is to never feel like you can't have something – because we all know that eventually we all want what we can't have.

5. Eat less, more often
To avoid feeling deprived you need to eat less food, more often. Small meals don't work for everyone, but if you want to feel satisfied (and not starving) all day, then spreading out your meals is a great tactic. Eating five or even six smaller meals can really make a big difference in your energy level and how you feel overall. Larger, heavy meals are harder to digest and often leave you feeling sluggish, whereas you'll feel lighter all day eating smaller meals, and be much more able to control cravings.

6. Stay hydrated
What feels like hunger can actually be thirst in disguise, so if you find yourself contemplating a stroll to the vending machine, make sure you're adequately hydrated before you give in to a snack attack. It's easy to forget about drinking water when you're busy, whether it's meeting deadlines, in meetings, or wrangling small children – but drinking enough water is a great way to avoid eating when you're not really hungry at all. Keep a pitcher on your desk filled with water and an inviting dash of berries, cucumbers and slices of orange to give yourself more incentive to sip.

7. Snack fruits
We all snack, and snacking isn't a bad thing – it's the snack choices that can get us into trouble. Sugary stuffs and white flour (cookies, cakes) does not help your weight in anyway instead when that cravings come, just reach out for the next available fruits shop and grab a bite.

8. Rethink your plate
Your plate is a good indicator of whether you're going to have trouble maintaining your ideal weight or not. If it's filled with simple carbohydrates (bread, pasta, potatoes) and meat, you might have some trouble keeping the weight off. A better-looking plate would be divided into vegetables, whole grains and protein.

In conclusion, aim for a minimum of 30 minutes of aerobic exercise most days of the week and a minimum of 20 minutes of strength training twice a week. Also 45-90 minutes walk per day and small chunks of time for work out daily is recommended.

All the best as you adhere to this and you will be on your way to that desired weight.
Tchau! 

YES! I CAN - A "MANLY" statement!

At some point in life, low self esteem is a disease you get infected with and you need your inner strength to be able to scale through. I have summarized below some tips on how to build your self confidence:

1. Recognize your insecurities. 
What is it that makes you uncomfortable, ashamed and less of yourself? All these could be attributed to issues arising from regrets, past traumatic or negative experience. Whatever is making you feel unworthy and inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. Tear these written into pieces and start feeling positive on these points.

 2. Bounce back from your mistakes. 
Like the saying, remember that no one is perfect; even the most confident people have insecurities. We may feel we lack something at some point in our lives, that is reality. We need to know that life is full of bumps down the road and that often these insecure feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood we're in, and how we are feeling- in other words, they are not constant.

 3. Identify your successes. 
Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, focus on your talents and give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. 

4. Find something you enjoy. 
Everyone is born with talents and strengths. Identify yours, pursue your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. When you follow  your passion and also add a variety of interests to your life, it will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!

4. Be thankful for what you have.
A lot of times, the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.

5. Be Positive.
Avoid self-pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior, they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Rather, speak positively about yourself, your future and your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.

6. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.

7. Help others. Be kind to the people around you, make a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world- which in turn will boost your self confidence.

8. Avoid perfectionism: Perfectionism paralyses you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals. Keep doing your best and your best will speak for you. 

As you go on in your day to day activities, I want you to be bold, strong, courageous, confident and face your fears. Always remember that F.E.A.R. has two meanings: "Forget Everything And Run OR Face Everything And Rise.. The Choice is yours.

Yes I Can!!!

Adeus!

PEOPLE PLEASERS!

Hello peeps! It's been a while you read from me last. I have been caught up with lots of work that got me off track. Let's get on with lots of educating, exciting, interesting and interactive write-ups! Enjoy!

Our discussion today centres on "People Pleasers". People pleasers are your friends, colleagues, sometimes relatives,  often times spouses and most times YOU. A people pleaser is anyone who turns around the second golden commandment. They love their neighbours more than they love themselves.They go the extra mile to please people at the expense of themselves.

Highlighted  are patterns observed in people pleasers:

• It is difficult for them to say No.
• they avoid getting angry.
• they try to be who others want them to be.
• It is hard for them to know what they want.
• they  avoid speaking their minds.
• they find it easier to go along with what others want as against their opinion.
• they often fantasize about a strong person taking over their lives and making it work.
• It is hard for them to express their feelings when they are crossed.
• It is hard for them to take initiatives.
• they try to be nice rather than express how they really feel.
• they want everyone to get along with them.

If these describes you in any way,  you might be a People Pleaser. Take conscious effort to notice when any of these symptoms raises its ugly head in your character. Often-times, people pleasers do not know that they are one. Work to develop a strong self esteem, create a friendly atmosphere around you, in a way that even you will enjoy your own company, learn and realise that saying NO does not demean your value and above all "Love your neighbours AS yourself".

Enjoy your weekend being a true friend and not a people pleaser!

Coping With Depression after a Break Up (2)

Hello peeps! How y'all doing? I'm sure we all had a fantastic week?

We started a topic last week on coping with depression after a break up. Here is the concluding part of it... Enjoy.....

9. Keep a regular schedule as best as you can. 

It's going to be hard at first, but you may have to force yourself to eat regular meals and sleep regularly. It might take time but be patient with yourself.

10. Get your mind off of it. 

The panacea for a broken heart is a busy mind and a tired body; so throw yourself into work (even though you don’t really feel like working), and focus all your energy into your professional life. Go out and do something you enjoy, like a hobby you have always loved, movies, walking, dancing etc Make sure you focus on the activity and the joy you derive from it, thereby distracting yourself. These activities will inspire you to concentrate on work and it signifies the beginning of the healing process.

11. Enjoy spending time with the people who are still in your life. 

Take time to spend quality time with  your friends, family and loved ones. Don’t hold back your tears or zip your lips about your breakup during this time. They will be your support system as you deal with the aftermath of the break-up and help you get through the feelings of depression and pain.

12. Accept the end of the relationship. 

Remember that the relationship happened for a reason, and nothing is ever wasted in life. Experience they say is the best teacher, who knows, the valuable lesson learnt in your last relationship might be the key to a successful one. Accept the reality and move on with your life.

13. Don't rush into another relationship.

Expect that it will take a while before you are ready to date again. Don't jump into a relationship with the first cute guy/girl you meet, or you'll be rebounding- and that's not healthy for you or the new person. It's very easy to succumb to the feeling of wanting to be loved and get into another relationship too quickly and for the wrong reasons when you've just broken up. So take stock of your emotional state, know what you want in the aftermath of a breakup and give yourself time to heal in a healthy way.

14. You WILL find someone new.

No matter what you think right now, you WILL find someone new - there are so many people out there, and who knows if your Mr./Ms. Right is just waiting to be found. Just because you experienced a break-up does not mean that you are a terrible person or that you did anything wrong (neither is the other person is bad), you are just not right for each other. It may not seem like it now, but there are many others out there whom you would be compatible with. Give yourself time because someday, sometime soon you will meet someone else who is exciting, fun to be with and wonderful personality (believe it or not) and your memories of your ex will fade away. 

15. Take each day at a time

Time is the greatest healer, so don't look too far ahead into the future and worry about what it holds. Instead look forward to a new life, a new beginning, an exciting and fulfilling relationship ahead. Life is made up of these little moments that add to our well-being  and not just the larger ones that cause both immense happiness and unbearable pains.

It's not easy to get over a broken heart, but if you remain strong and keep your mind occupied, time does the rest.

                            Have a lovely weekend.