WHY ARGUE? Part 1

Relationships have their ups and downs and arguments are bound to ensue. Learning to keep your emotions in check and remaining calm can turn a heated squabble into a civil disagreement where the two will reach a compromise. You can apologize but you cannot take back something you said during an argument. You will agree with me that every man craves for a feeling of importance and everyone wants their opinion heard regardless of what other people say.

Now the question is why do we argue or why do we feel the need to argue?

When people yell, slam the door, walk out on each other, feel attacked or devalued, they react and most times, it’s hard to recall why they went into an argument. It could be something so trivial, a certain body posture or a tone of voice. And in a split of second they pick up on a message and simply raise the roof or react. Unfortunately, your own response to the threat you perceive coming from your partner, drives him or her crazy.  Whether you say something hurtful or flee the battlefield, whether you leave your partner, feeling abandoned argument is bound to ensue with that attitude.

It takes a lot of time, practice and more often than not professional guidance to teach your brain new ways of responding.

I have put together 9 best ways to avoid arguments:

1. Share what bothers you with your partner effectively

2. Get to know him/her better in the light of their history, so you can change the vicious cycle of your interactions together.

3. Your natural reactions as immediately wanting you to fix a problem, withdrawing or becoming emotionally reactive can be unlearned.

"If you’re arguing with someone for more than 5minutes chances are it’s not about them but about you".

4. Recognize when a discussion is no longer a discussion but is escalating to an argument. You may have to walk away for a few minutes and take several deep breaths to calm yourself down. Avoid raising voices and feeling defensive. A good mutual discussion involves both sides listening and attempting to understand each other.

5. Keep the conversation focused on resolving the conflict. Avoid personal attacks and not hurting each other further with insults. Do not bring up stuffs from the past because you may never resolve the boiling issue at hand.

TO BE CONT'D